SOS - HELP!!!!

okay, update first n then story...

so update:
[natural science course]

after visiting the human anatamy course i was still soooooooo gaaahhh confused with which course to take! one was cell&genetics and the other was muscles&bones.... so wut did i do? -->after the 1 1/2 lecture... i sat at curtis lecture hall waiting for the 'the living body' lecture to finish n talk w/my friend who was enrolled in the same course... she was sooo happy to see me after lecture, she thought i ditched her already! lol.... i told her about the anatomy course n she was like can we realli switch courses? when is the last day? lecture was sooo boring today... n more blah blah blah...

afterwards, we met up w/jenn n mon n talk to them about it too... we even gave them the two course descriptions/outlines to hear which one they think we should take... and the final answer is..... HUMAN ANATOMY!!!! so, my friend n i switched =) n the first lab was in the afternoon on the same day... so we went to it.. n guess wut we had to look at... (jenn u rn't gonna like this... or have u done it b4???) ... we looked at pre-dissected cats >.< (don't kill me! i like cats too!) it smelled soooooooo bad in the lab... i was sooo scared i would puke or something! but thankfully i didn't =)

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okay... time for another story...
[preparations of "On Eagle's Wings" for 2morrow's - sat. may 8th - funneral]

so on wed nite, me and 3 other Donkeys met up@donkey-karboy's house to practice the hymn "On Eagle's Wings"... it went pretty well =) n i felt pretty confident about the song n singing at the funneral....

welpz, tonite (fri. may 7th) only 3 Donkeys, including myself, were available to practice in the santuary w/the microphones...
i went to church actually feeling a bit down... i didn't go to the visitation 2nite b4 practice because
1) my sis wasn't feelin well after getting her braces today n stayed home w/her, and
2) i was scared... i didn't know Mr. Lum that well, n was uncomfortable w/the atmosphere... i didn't want to be sad... but turned out i was depressed neway...

so when i got to church... i was just sooo out of it... so much was going thru my head...i felt lost, i felt defeated, i felt confused, i felt corrupted... my mind was in a turbulent.... and i didn't feel like singing... i wanted to back out, but remembered from wed practice that donkey-sam already mentioned that all our names are on the bulletin, so we can't backout... and donkey-gary requested us to lead this song... so MORE i realised that I CANNOT BACK OUT, NOT NOW...

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the strangest thing is that even though i was so troubled... in the back of my mind i had this pride n security that i'll be able to sing n pull it off.... AND HECK WAS I WRONG!!!!!!!!! I SHED SOOOO MANY TEARS 2NITE!!!! WE HAD TO STOP TO WAIT FOR ME TO STOP CRYING N SING!!!! IT WAS CRAZY!!!!

i knew that partially it was caused
1) by my initial depressed state... BUT it wasn't the only reason....
2) i finally understand WHY this song was picked and IT'S PURPOSE (according to my understanding anyway...)

- so wut did i discover 2nite?
1. that this is a strong-provoking-song that was meant to comfort n strengthen those who are down
2. that the singer (donkey-sw) is to carry out the duty of being the bridge, comforting those who are sad/affected by the sudden loss of Mr. Lum
3. that i found 2 messages from this song
a) one is saying to us --> don't worry, Mr. Lum is at peace and is in God's caring hands
b) second is also to us, and saying that WE -

Those who know Mr. Lum;
Those of us who cry out to God "My refuge, my Rock in whom I trust!" in time of defeat and need of shelter n strength;
Those of us who are in fear of the stories from the news becoming a reality to us - such as dying from random gun shots, poverty or chronic famine - and need His protection;
Those of us who are simply afraid of what could happen next during the day and the night/ the present and the future

- should not be afraid, for as in verse 4 of the song it says...

"For to God's angels is given a command to guard you in all of your ways; upon their hands they will bear you up..."

and the REFRAIN:

"AND I WILL RAISE YOU UP ON EAGLE'S WINGS, BEAR YOU ON THE BREATH OF DAWN, MAKE YOU TO SHINE LIKE THE SUN, AND HOLD YOU IN THE PALM OF MY HAND."

and this is what i heard God whispering from the song...

"so mourn no more, I am here with you. I will pick you up and put you on my shoulder and we will walk through this together. You will be joyfilled and at peace, and this happiness will illuminate out from you like the sun. I am holding you up, holding you up with my bare hands. So don't be sad, let me wipe those tears... I am here, I am here... let me raise you up on eagle's wings and fly..."

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2nite i found my reason, my purpose in leading this song for 2morrow's funneral:

to help people break away from the sadness n to find peace n joy; to help them get onto the eagle and fly~
(that's what i saw 2nite while singing the song... that the left and right pews are the left and right wings of the eagle, God, and He is just waiting for us to take the flight!)

will i be able to do it? i really hope so!
i am soooo afraid of having an emotion breakdown in the middle of the song >.< we even planned a backup singer incase i do start to cry n cannot sing!

so if u read this b4 or around 10:30am on sat. may 8th... plz keep me in your prayers or just think of me n hope that i will have the courage n strength to sing!!!!!!!!.... not to showoff my voice (which isn't that good), but realli use it in service for the hymn!!! i realli need encouragement n prayers!!!

and the weirdest thing happened towards the end of practice...
I COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING!!!!!
lol... i am weird... but seriously! i couldn't!
so now my donkeyFriends are... we better have these signs ready to raise up n remind you to...

--> stop crying!
--> stop laughing!
--> and uh... there were other embarrassing ones... that i don't wanna put on but u can ask me if u realli want to know
^-^
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currently listening to : 24 - by Switchfoot!!!

"... I want to be one today
Centered and true
I'm singing 'Spirit take me up in arms with You'...

...I'm not copping out
Not copping out..."