yikes this post is for nnej + everyone who's waiting for a new post!!!! =)

soooo, wutz up w/me???
lately, "change" has been quite a hot topic... not only for my friends but myself as well... [but i guess in general "change" is part of life... a friend once told me that "change is constant"]

last friday (april 2) i went to school to pick up my humanities paper n hang out w/friends for lunch & aftermoon ^-^... it was still early after i picked up my essay, so i went to student center to rest on the comfy seats =) before i met up w/ppl.
there, sitting by myself on the 3rd floor, i got over 1/2hr just looking out the window, reflecting n writing in my journal/prayer book... [u see, that's one reason why i don't post as much, cuz i actually perfer writing my thoughts out than typing it..heehee...i'm weird =p]

so what did i reflect on? my school year, any changes or improvements... which reminded me of olive once asking me about how i felt about my 1st year n if i have changed or grown...
so have i? my answer to her was "not really".. there weren't any drastic big changes or growth... i only felt that i've move one or two baby-steps forward

so now wut? i do want to change... so how? by first knowing what i want to change, set a goal, n go for it... how long will it take? sometimes i do wish it could just happen in a snap with the fingers... but change takes time n is different for everyone... wut i know is that i need to trust n ask God for His help..
here is a prayer i wrote in my journal/P book:

"Father, I do want to change. I want to grow... the lenten reflection book title is really challenging me now... HOW THEN SHALL I LIVE? HOW, Lord? Father, please help me to see the weaknesses I have and to not shy away from them. Grant me the wisdom to know which ones I can change and imporve. Grant me the strength to perservere when I do know what I should do. Thank you, Lord."

wut i'm learning now about this challenge, change, is that for a person to change they need to become vulnerable... just like wut C.S. Lewis talked about - St. Augustine's suggestion/idea - "To Love is to become vulnerable." .... to change is to break down the walls that are preventing change from happenning (fear); it's to let go of those fears; it's to allow new things to happen... it's a risk but w/the understanding of the goal you r pursuing and trusting in God who has promised to be w/us always. He will guide us in the little steps in achieving the goal =)

so to my friends who are also challenged to change... it will take time, but let us be open to change and let us not forget the little steps which are soooo important! =)

during my time at student center, one song i was listening to was "Purified" and here is part of the song...
"... and i will open up my heart, search me in the deepest part. and i will stand in cleansing fire, by You i'm purified, by You i'm purified..."